re:mote voices

Title: Anacondas: Hunt For The Blood Orchid
Cast: Johnny Messner, KaDee Strickland, Matthew Marsden, Nicholas Gonzalez, Eugene Byrd
Director: Dwight Little

Anaconda was probably one of those films where people weren’t particularly crying out for a sequel. But in a climate of remakes of classics, remakes of foreign films, and endless sequels, Anacondas: Hunt For The Blood Orchid probably shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. This film pretty much doesn’t have anything in connection with the original film, except for the fact that it comes into the category of absurdly silly thriller.

An ambitious group of researchers have made a discovery that could offer immortality in a bottle. The corporation providing their funding is keen to give them lots and lots of money if they can deliver. Unfortunately, the key component is derived from a rare orchid, which only blooms on very rare occasions. Of course they don’t have enough samples to work from, and need more of these orchids. Fortunately the next time the orchids bloom is very soon, so the team of experts set out for the Bolivian rain forest to retrieve the fresh flowers. Unfortunately it is rainy season, and only a mad man would go up river in this weather. Fortunately they find a mad man, or at least a man who is prepared to be mad long enough to accept lots of money.

Things of course don’t go according to plan. The water gets out of control and the boat crashes. Fortunately the crew manage to emerge from the wreck relatively unscathed. Unfortunately, one of the crew is attacked and eaten by an anaconda. Fortunately, after eating an anaconda will take a week to digest its food, and anacondas are solitary creatures. Of course, unless it is mating season... Unfortunately, it is mating season! Unfortunately there are dozens of anaconda. Unfortunately the anaconda are bigger than any anaconda anyone has ever seen before. Unfortunately these anaconda can fly through the air with the greatest of ease. Unfortunately the leader of the group is so driven by greed the group are finding themselves in deep anaconda shit.

Anacondas: Hunt For The Blood Orchid is one of those desperate, pitiful sequels. Where the cast are pretty much unknown and have some small hope that the film might just raise their profile by a degree. It is a bad film. I know it is a bad film. You know it is a bad film. But sometimes, bad films can be fun. Sometimes bad films can be so bad that they become funny. Anacondas: Hunt For The Blood Orchid is somewhat on the periphery of that territory and certainly could be worse.